Archers Adda

Slum,dogs indeed

2009-03-02T21:24:00.004+04:00

The Slumdog kids are back home.

Life is still the same, no glitz.... no glamour. They tasted honey for a few days, and then the rug was yanked off their feet.

I wrote a letter to Gulf News on how our patriotic Indians took note of this film being very derogatory to Indians and India as a whole. They said Indians lead better lives than what was portrayed. That calling them 'slumdog' was itself insulting. The slums were not like how it was shot in the film.

Then why were there slums? Why did they keep growing in size? Why does Dharavi still hold its long standing record?. Why can't we do something about it?

Why should we? Would helping slum dwellers help us? Would it help change the economy? They were meant to live and die there, so let them be. Remember how the beatles song goes?...

Let it be, let it be...There will be an answer, let it be.

So now the kids are back, back to their lives in the slums. The report here tells of a very tragic case of 2 heartbroken kids who have no more dreams that can be fulfilled. Their lives are the same. They still wear their Oscar clothes.

The Oscars are over, the curtains have drawn to a close.

They still remain the slumdogs that they were. Bravo to all the indians out there, you have made them remain the dogs that they are while paying lip service to them about being verbally insulted....

Two-faced poker-faced Indians, I salute you.

Bidding adieu

2008-07-23T22:15:00.001+04:00

I took each small step one at a time. But each step would only fall in the bigger footprints of what others tread.

When I look back at my life, I realise the small steps I took in a different direction, because I'd always felt different. Even when I was a kid, and even now at 26.

I've begun to notice the general flow of things. Of life. Of friendships. Of Work. Of satisfaction. Goals. Aspirations. Ambitions.

I've just broken away from a friendship; rather a friendship that just faded away with the passage of time. Ego's clashed, heated arguments followed, but it couldn;t bring back the good times we'd had before.

I'd always kept reality far away from me. So far that I forgot how nasty it could be when it struck my life with all of its impact. I believe we all live happy, guilt free lives until reality comes in to give us the popular check up.

I've made the decision to keep it where it's always been. Somewhere in the back of my mind. We can have endless check ups later, but I do want to cherish the good times whenever they come by. Should I look at some issue through the eyes of a sinister person? It would've helped if the results of pure logic didn't sting that bad. But then, it usually does, after all the damage has been done.

I don't know how to take the step ahead. For every step brings me nothing but despair. As much as I'd like to savour the good times this new direction could bring forth, I dread the aftermath.

I usually am the afermath. To me, everythings had to have an end. I've never been a tight rope walker, and never will be.

So here's to the good times; times I'll always cherish.

I bid adieu to this friendship I had, and wish myself some luck, happiness, and love to my next rendezvous in a new friendship, however short it might be.

Win.....a bottle of water!

2007-07-03T21:01:00.000+04:00

A free t-shirt?
Nope.
A free cap?
Nope.
A free bottle of Jeema water worth a whopping 1 Dh. after redeeming 100 Cash points?
Yikes!

WWII Posters

2006-12-22T11:16:00.000+04:00

One of the many solutions to reduce traffic in Dubai, stick this on your back windshield!

We never knew about this...

Yep..Rumsfeld sure did, brotha!

My prediction...this will hold true a decade from now.

Exactly what the marines say....even now.

Bush Jr. is tired of this question.

All images courtesy of International Poster

2006-12-08T18:57:00.000+04:00

The Big Apple. Everyone's welcome to take a bite.

Not for Ahmad Razvi, a Pakistani immigrant who's the protagonist of .'Man Push Cart', an obscure indie production which has bagged a couple of awards already.

Ahmad's a bagel cart worker, who pushes his cart through the streets of NYC for several blocks in the wee hours of the morning. The film begins very much like "Taxi Driver", but is shot 'documentary' style. Ahmad's trying to make ends meet through difficult circumstances. His wife expired a year back and his son stays at his in-laws home, with their patience running out as each day goes by. Ahmads in need of some home so that he can stop being a freeloader from the very people who would have been his family had his wife not deceased.

What makes it even difficult for Ahmad is that a customer recognises his past. Being a victim of the myriad ways of fate, Ahmad tries his best to forget his days back home in Pakistan, where he was a successful singer. Catching glimpses of his wife and son under the tin cart he now spends his life in...the past offers little solace to the customer who now steps into his life. I wouldn't want to give out the ending, but it's a refreshing change from the usual hollywood tripe.

From the beautiful and refreshing views of NY, the thousands of people who flock the business capital with many a hope and dream, 'Man Push Cart' takes a step back and offers a view from the other side of the fence. The ego clashes, the apathy from daily co-workers and customers is shot in detail. This is not a movie that makes you delve into the realm of fantasyland. It's brutal, it's honest, and is a sympathetic view of Ahmads claustrophobic life.

After watching the film, I thought of the same person living life in Dubai, in the same circumstances.

Hot dogs and bagels in a tin cart?

What was I thinking.

Change the way you look at the world.

2006-07-18T22:00:00.000+04:00

Says the tagline of the movie 'K-Pax'. Indeed it has for me.

The film released in 2001. There was a time when I used to drop in theatres solely on the name of the film, the usual college assignments always held me up..yada yada... I remember the theatre guy telling me that this was one helluva movie, the one I shouldn't ever miss. Baloney, that's what I thought when I heard of the name...it was hard not to watch a Kevin Spacey Movie, that too after the 'American Beauty' effect which hadn't still worn out of my friends VCD collections. But watching K-PAX...are you kidding me? What other PAXes can you get me?....that's exactly what I'd thought of....

Until yesterday, when a casual download of the movie literally dropped my jaw. I was completely blown away by the film. It truly is a masterpiece. Casting, cinematography, you name it...this movie is one which surely deserved a Golden Globe, if not an Oscar. The Oscars as of now have totally degenerated into somewhat of an ADD infested brain.

K-Pax, which I still find to be a horrible name for a movie to be christened with, is based on the Sci-fi novel by Gene Brewer. It's the story of an alien who visits earth to obtain information to take back to his home planet, K-Pax. Along the way he finds himself in a mental institution, befriends everyone there..a la One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, blurs the line between being an unbelievable delusional and an extra terrestrial in the human form. In his brief stay he exhibits a mixture of pure emotions, emotions only a human can express while satirically puncturing his comments with comparisons on humanity to K-Pax-ity, if you will. His pscyhiatrist, played by Jeff Bridges tries hard to find the chain of Mr. Prote (the alien) and his past life. For Jeff believes that this is a con act, a 'savant' in the making. Ultimately the heart warming finale leaves you breathless, it's one which which will keep you guessing till the very end.

K-Pax is a planet that has no laws because they all know right from wrong. They have no family structre, because it's futile as they look after everyones offsprings, there's no concept of 'mine' and 'yours'. Ones wishes are well known to others, so that they could 'co-ordinate' amongst themselves. And so much more, I wish to find more of in the novel.

What is so different about this movie?. What is it that makes it stand out?. What is it that makes me think about it all day?. It's the subtle underlying current of philosophy in the movie, which is so discrete. The casting, the cinematography, the background score. There is not a single wasted moment, not a single swear. No explosions. No excessive special effects. No religious mumbo jumbo. And what I most liked about it, was that the whole movie focused on Earth and humanity from a purely scientific view.

I'm so happy that Hollywood still produces such little known masterpieces. They are extremely rare to come by. With people not even giving such movies the customary lip-service...I find it distressing that people cannot understand simplicity.

Simplicity as in any art film is where the film 'falters' from a typical film fanatics view. It doesn't push anything down on you, its not excessively arty, and most imortant of all - theres no female lead. Its beyond comprehension how a novel could be brought to life in such vivid detail.

Right now I'm itching to get my hands on the novel. Someday when I get a Gold Credit Card, it'll be just an Amazon.com away. I guess.

You'd better not miss this movie for anything in the world. I'm glad I dug this one out.

Reality bites

2006-06-23T20:13:00.000+04:00

GN is getting better at their articles. The irony it all was in the open within the very first line.
"I am ready to punch anyone ... who calls Mumbai rude," said Rekha Nigam from
Mumbai, now a Dubai resident.

Yes, finally, the truth is out. Much to the chagrin of fellow Indians who hate to be told the truth. It first began with this story on India topping the UNAIDS list. This was promptly followed by rebuttals, name calling, cannot compare-apples-to-oranges, India-haters, etc.

Now, Readers digest cliams that Mumbai is the worlds rudest city. Damn right, and I couldn't agree more. Besides, it isn't in our culture to help anyone. Except women that is. And make that fair women. The obsession for "extremely fair" women is accentuated by fellow Indians since the day they are born. Even the toothless 99 year old granny whom you've forgotten will have a special place for you in her heart (if you're the fair damsel), even if you can't remember what her name is. Enough of that psycho-analysis. But onto another psycho-analysis.

THE SELF DENIAL SYNDROME.

We come across it everyday. It exists and feeds on our guilt. We all have a self denial syndrome. But how many of us transfer this syndrome and make it a part of our nation?

The responses from Mumbaikars have been overwhelming. NYC is 'ruder', (insert any top city here) is much worse, etc. Why not agree with the truth. That it is rude, not because it wants to, because it has to.

Yes, it has to...

You see, we Indians are a sorry lot. We do not conduct business in a fair manner. We do not form relationships in a fair manner. We do not step up and say 'hello' in a fair manner. Why, a simple 'hello' on a trip somwhere is usually met with a scorn (fair damsel exceptions apply here). The scorn immediately dissolves once you prove that you:
(a) Aren't a salesman.
(b) Aren't a person in need of anything.
(c) Just wanna know the time.

Why don't we conduct business in a fair manner? Because if you did, you'd be the butt of jokes at the income tax office. It's mandatory to bounce / issue late cheques just to prove that you are indeed a tough nut to crack. If you ever commit the crime of being straightforward, be prepared to be knifed.

When it comes to relationships, its just a bloody extension of this too. 80% of us haven't married someone whom we were in love with. We marry expecting to fall in love. The dowry is usually large enough to forget about your significant other for a significant amount of time. Thats usually until her father starts using you as a doormat.

Mumbaikars have forgotten too much too soon. It wan't long back a street urchin was brutally raped within the gaze of many office goers on a public train at midnight. Not one person lifted a finger. It still is a practice to treat women like prostitutes if they are seen at bus stops or phone booths anytime after 8 pm. It still is a practice to push standing passengers off the train when its jampacked without an inch of space.

In all fairness, Reader Digest is right. But we aren't wrong. Don't we have to be rude in order to be macho and show our toughness? There was a time when I never was tough with kids, the kids you see on the street playing cricket. But times have changed. Even they would make an ass out of you if you smile at them. Chin up, no smile, a 1000 yard stare elicit subconscious admiration in the hearts of these little devils.

This is what I found out, the hard way.

There's nothing wrong in being rude when the system you inhabit is rude itself.

Lets keep that in mind, before you go 'punch' people up. After all, the tigers of Mumbai surface only on Valentines Day and thats when you could don a yellow panther thong and get yourself some justice.

Internet Porn, now showing at a theatre near you

2006-06-05T13:49:00.000+04:00

Somewhere along on some forum on the net, someone said pornography will go mainstream in a couple of years. My opinion was different. I knew movie lovers would never allow porn to filter through theaters without avoiding the 'R' certificate.

Of late, particularly the beginning of this year, certification has been thrown out the window.
When internet porn has filtered into your PC and everyones 'favorites' folder will have a XXX dialer 90% of the time (without you even knowing of it), it's time that movie makers upped the ante and made some extra moolah.

Sex scenes could be shot in a number of ways. There's an 'arty' way and of course, the porno way. The arty way isn't that much of a problem when you watch movies with your elders, since it's more 'acceptable'. If we could watch the 'Titanic' with no qualms, it was because the director decided that the lust quotient be kept lowered. The Lust quotient - in my opinion should be kept lowered in movies that do not directly deal with sex. For movies like Basic Instinct, any kinda scene stands justified.

What I see these days are movies extremely high on this. Sex scenes could even be tasteful, but here are some movies that include them porno scenes:

- The Matador
- Running Scared
- Hostel
- Brokeback Mountain
- Underworld Evolution
- Junebug
- Lucky Number Slevin
- Transamerica
- Employee of the Month

The list is endless. I can understand topless scenes. I can understand simulated scenes (oh how famous those Zalman King movies were in college!). But I CANNOT understand hardcore stuff mixed in movies. The only difference between such scenes and pornos are that hollywood's cameras are positioned far away, whereas its just the opposite in pornoland.

Will dwindling profits and poor storylines push Hollywoods cameras nearer to the lusty lovers? I hope not.

We don't want anymore Caligulas, you got that?

Further proof that what Hollywood is going porno:

Jenna Jameson at the 2006 Golden Globe Awards!

Tera Patrick at VH1 Rock honors

Lyrically supreme

2006-06-03T10:03:00.000+04:00

Lyrics of two beautiful songs.

Hoobastank - 'First of Me' from their new album 'Every Man for Himself'

I must make a choice
a tough decision
Listen to my voice
should I give in
to temptation, admiration
One leads to myself
the other someone else
Just an empty shell
Just an empty shell

Its harder than it seems
When you're told that
all your hopes and dreams
Are yours to hold if
you just give them whats expected
Something they can sell
or put upon a shelf
But I am not for sale
I am not for sale

I hear a voice inside
its crawled into a scream
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me
Cause I can't live the lie
I am just what you see
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me

If I can't refuse
the price they offer
I am sure to lose
and I will suffer
Sell my soul to make a profit
All I have to do
is make belive its true
Thats something I can't do
Thats something I can't do

I am the first of me

So when the waitings done
and its time to face the truth
You know you're good enough
deep down inside of you
You've finally woken up
if only just to prove
You were born to lead the way
and the be the first of you.

INXS - 'Afterglow' from 'Switch'.

Here I am,
lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses

It's you and the roses

Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today

Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way

I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes
Now I'm living
in your afterglow

When the faith has gone as I let you go, as I let you go
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way, I will sacrifice
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from
the roses
It's you who is closest.

Bus shelter blues

2006-05-25T12:19:00.000+04:00

Two letters to the editor in GN:

Shelters, please ...
Despite my letter requesting a shelter for passengers waiting at the Rolla bus stand in Sharjah, there has been no development. Most of the time buses do not come on time for Dubai-bound passengers and they are forced to wait in the hot sun.

The authorities concerned should act fast and provide shelters, at least for the sake of elderly passengers. There is no need for air-conditioned bus terminals, a simple shelter to protect from the sun will do.
From Mr K. Ragavan
Ajman

... here too
It is surprising that there are no sheltered bus stops inside the Jebel Ali Free Zone. It is difficult for people to wait for buses in the hot sun.
The poor labourers, after working the whole day, can be seen waiting for buses in the sun. Dubai Municipality should fix some shades there.
From Mr R. Qamar
Dubai

November '05 to the present.
7 months for a simple driving licence and it keeps slipping from my hand.
Ajman has lesser number of people to sign up, and therefore the slower they issue licences, the more the revenue. However, this is not the case in Dubai. The faster they issue, the more the number of people who queue up.

I was often told that life begins in the sandlands after receiving a licence. Oh fine, I thought. I've driven my car back home for 2 years, the maximum time it would take was 3 months. 7 months past and 6 tests later, I have no clue on when I will finally get it in my hands.

Days are getting hotter, it's getting difficult to commute in buses. Air conditioning simply fails and even worse is the complete non existence of 'bus shelters'. No, not the 'proposed' air conditioned ones. But a simple roof over my head. I was at the Ghubaiba bus station. It's a major bus terminal, and they don't have one for buses that ply to Sharjah. So we - the impoverished lot of would-be licence holders and the voiceless common man, stand shoulder to shoulder in the hot sun at noon. We form an impromptu line. This line would help us get into each mini bus without putting up a fight. The number of people exceed the seating capacity of a standard mini bus. Yet it's extremely rare that we find a bigger bus at this major terminal. Sweat begins to pour down, and theres no sign of the bus. I begin to fidget - my minds racing. There has to be an alternative route.

But then the expressionless faces around me told me a different story. Their nonchalant stance signifies their daily struggle to just survive here - much less to commute. No grumbles, no frowns. The blinding sun doesn't even bring a sigh. Twenty minutes later, the bus finally arrives. We have executives in suits to site workers in overalls. The irony of a broad spectrum of society in such a narrow bus. Just as nauseating as the sweet smell of sweat and perfume.

How to get rich

2006-05-17T11:21:00.000+04:00

"How to get rich" is the quintessential question that stares at you from thousands of 'matchbox bookstalls' across India. We all want to get rich quick, and what better way than our self established real estate mogul known as 'The Donald' to help us about it?

Donalds book is the first 'how to get rich' book I've ever read. I came across 'The Dummies Guide to being a Millionaire' and I was completely put off by the juvenile standards of American Self Tracking. The American Self Tracking System (AMSTS) is a system developed by many writers to judge your actual worth. Since Americans are bombarded with ads and fake news right from the time they get off their bed, the AMSTS serves as a 'reality check' to rein them back into their real lives.

All AMSTS usually follow a common path - Keep listing whatever problems you have and figure out a way to mitigate them yourself. Ofcourse, the AMSTS are designed to make a 50 page book fatten it's way to over 200. Advice is dispensed in such miniscule bits and pieces, that you have to make another chart that they never ask you to make.

Anyway, back to The Donalds book, Trump never goes about any of these charts and self realisation techniques. We're here to know how he became rich and gain insight into his intricate workings. We first begin with Trumps childhood. Little is said about Trumps father, who really jump started his career. Ofcourse he pays homage to him and his greatness, but the real meat is in how he created his wealth. Page after page flies by, you get detailed reports on how journalists have attacked his hair, his wife, and his financial losses. Trump goes after everyone - often by name - visciously like a KG kid with a plastic fork. He questions the journalistic prowess these petty humans possess - and also makes predictions to where they're headed. Where else could that be - anyone who attacks The Hair, goes down the drain.

We're told that we must be ruthless in business. Check.
We're told that we mustn't trust anyone. Check.
We're told that we must chase anyone who's ever chased us. Check.

Thats pretty much it. I didn't make a list of what Trump subconsciously projects once every 10 pages, but the above is pretty much the gist of it.

If you are a budding entrepreneur this advice is misleading to the extreme. You'd be blown to smithereens if you start to act pompously with nothing in your pocket.
If you work under someone, like most of us do - we cannot afford to go by any of this advice. You'd end up hearing what Trump has almost patented - "You're fired". This time it's for real and not on the telly.
If you're an established businessman, all of these points make sense. You're in control - you are the master of your ship. You've built it painstakingly, and people admire you for it. And thats why no one can question you when you choose to steer it whichever way you choose to. But that ship has brought you a lot of returns, therefore you can afford to steer it.
Would this businessman read a dumb book, most of which he knows without reading in the first place?

Real advice is what Trump provides in 30 succinct seconds on 'The Apprentice'. They come right after a basic flaw in one of the 'interviewees' is exposed. They're golden pieces of advice, and this is what a 'get rich' book is to be made of.

Anyway, the kind of false propaganda his program purports is astounding. Thank god for the Wikipedia article, it truly describes who the real Trump is. It's his dad - Fred Trump. Now did most of us know that?

India's Forrest Gump

2006-05-15T10:32:00.000+04:00

Budhia, the wonderful four year old from Orissa, who made it to the Limca Book of Records is now at the centre of a controversy. The Human Rights body of India has finally awoken from it's slumber and is in the process of 'freeing' the poor kid from the shackles of the great E word. Exploitation, something which is so alien to the Human Rights organisation.

There's no doubt that he's a prodigy in the making, and is beacon for so many impoverished kids. But how would this inspiration help those who canot afford themselves a meal everyday? In a country where nepotism is rampant, and bureaucracy and corruption flows alongside the river of greed, there's nothing much we can do. We become silent spectators of a drama that ensues when a 4 year old kid breaks his way to the front page of a newspaper.

Where are the corporations, those who are listed on the NYSE? Is it too much to ask for some company to sponsor the child and light his path to an enlightened future? Are they all waiting for the poor kid to run out of steam, now that doctors have warned that such marathons could harm his body? The govt refuses to take care of him, that's not much of a surprise, it's has been a rotten one and will always remain one.

1.3 billion people and the only dent we made in the 2004 Olympics was one silver medal. Time's running out, in a nation that fundamentally shuns any sport save for cricket, he could be long forgotten in the avalanche of page 3 news that has made it to page 1.

Budhia, how I wish that one of the 11 bastards on the cricket team would lend you a helping hand. You're too young to stand up, I wish someone would keep his contracts aside and be a human being for once.

Run, Budhia, run.....

A consulate of any purpose?

2006-05-03T15:02:00.000+04:00

GN's 'Letters to the Editor' on the topic of 'minimum wages' brought in some interesting and hard hitting letters. Nowhere did we see any psychos terming this as a conspiracy, and every letter pointed to one thought in unison - you have to set minimum wages. No one is going to buy into the crap of negotiating their wages after they set foot here, with not more than a few thousand Rupees in hand. And how do illiterate workers negotiate anyway?

But what everyone forgot to write in was how the Indian Consulate also plays an important part. During recruitment, why does the consulate remain mum on the sorry state of affairs? Aren't the consulate supposed to educate workers regarding such problems? Is it too much to ask for the Indian bureaucracy to sort out a solution and nip the problem in the bud? Is the consulate here for it's members to play around electing some idiot year after year for bragging about their business dreams at some five star hotel to be later photographed and featured in...you guessed it right, GN itself?

Even though I cannot confirm, Sri Lanka has refused to send any more garment/textile workers because of the increasing problems with non payment of wages. The Sri Lankan consulate immediately remedied the situation.

People aren't thinking straight, or the newspaper doesn't favour their thinking.

Dying hope

2006-04-30T14:03:00.000+04:00

Memories of a past gone by
Memories to cherish and say goodbye
Memories that flood your eyes
Everytime you realise
That its not everyday
Time grants you an elusive stay
In the capsule of emotions.

In times of despair
do we ever care
about the other side of life
in which obstacles are rife
when the compass of direction
falters with no compassion
to be relegated...in an antique collection.

Defiant for we are forever
to destinies lone messenger
which for me now has become
along with the rising sun
my trusty newspaper.

In trepidation and desperation
I turn the pages in isolation
Is there some news for me?
What does my festering premonition let me see?
Alas!...it's the same old rhetoric
A new law to hoodwink the optimistic.

A law comes
and a law goes
but does it make any difference
to those who struggle
with those whose minds are fickle?
Time it seems
will always have an answer.

NRPNG - Non Resident Persona Non Grata

2006-04-23T11:13:00.000+04:00

What is it with Indians?

Specifically NRIs?

They quickly embrace foreign culture. So soon that Siddharth morphs into 'Sid' overnight. Danny dude has completely forgotten that he was a 'Dhanish' back home. In Rang De Basanti, DJ and his cronies accept history lessons from a Brit chick in between ogling women on FTV and taking swigs of beer. Everyone loved the movie but failed to see the irony of it all. Indian history taught by a Brit. The directors are right, we aren't passionate about our own history. Even in film history too,Satyajit Rays entire collection is neatly catalogued in an temperature controlled vault in Beverly Hills.

I have come across many such people. Two relatives of mine and many on the Internet. Yet they wear masks to blend in with the rest of the crowd. Because if they aired their true 'grievances' publicly, they'd be squashed both literally and figuratively. All they'd have left to say would be - "Peace - yo!".

I've read the blog of an MBA dude who calls Gandhi a half naked beggar, who divided a nation. A 'cruel' person who never cared for his kids. The great Bahraini blogger went on to pick many personalities of Indian origin. I bet he has Dick Cheney's poster right next to some FHM hottie. How I wish he went quail hunting with Cheney.

I've read a Keralite girls blog about the 'smelly' people she gladly left for good. Never mind that she relishes the fantastic fish they sold to her for dirt cheap. Never mind that she nostalgically yearns for that mango pickle which the smelly people pickled for her. Never mind that she finds most Indians uncouth. When I commented that she insulted herself quite beautifully, completely forgetting that she would always remain an Indian, the whole posse of Mensa certified bloggers crucified me. I was the one who had the last laugh.

And today, I come across the 'stereotyped' Indian cum Arab. Torn between two majestic cultures, X loves to snipe from across the sand dunes in full combat uniform. Only that the bullet always loses its mark. And X doesn't know that comouflage is virtually useless in a barren land save for the odd cacti and the friendly camels. But X wears the uniform well, for X believes that you have to dress well to act the part. So does the Bangladeshi who walks around in his unwashed kandoora in his '99 Lexus, believing that he's The Complete Emirati.

Lots of luck to X and the Bangladeshi. You are both on a ship in the sea of stupidity. Keep steering cap-tin, you never know when you'd strike gold.

I've been reading blogs since 2002, when the blog explosion began. Hundreds of blogs visited, from across the world. But I'm yet to come across anybody disowning their own country for flimsy reasons. Americans hate America for being led under Bush Jr., and Indians.....for being Indian.

I wonder why that Indian director met Paris Hilton to play the role of Mother Teresa. Pamela Anderson is clearly the most desired of the lot.

Pam says hi to Miss X. Bangladeshi....you there? Dammit you rolled up your tints ....AGAIN?

Do you....

2006-04-22T12:02:00.000+04:00

love to blow your own trumpet?

A question of simple economics

2006-04-22T11:42:00.000+04:00

I don't know what's going through the minds of voters here:

It seems many are very hopeful. Hopeful of a faster service. Hopeful of sleeker service. Hopeful of finally having a mini bullet train to enjoy a boring ride, should you care to peer out the window.

But where's the hope of it being economical? Presently a bus ticket from Dubai to Sharjah costs 5 Dhs. For a daily to and fro commute, thats 10Dhs. To pay the equivalent of 1.5 gallons of petrol is not right. It still isn't economical, and is still not popular. Getting a Chevy Spark / Daihatsu Sirion will still turn out cheaper, and still leave you with plenty of fuel to go places other than your office. What can beat a car at 399 Dhs. per month? Practically nothing. Get a friend of yours from the office to join you, and it's even more economical.

Lets see, suppose a person were to travel via the Metro circa 2009. In accordance with inflation rates, a ride will cost him 7 Dhs. Thats 14 dhs and it still doesnt cover the damages of reaching the train station and exiting it back to his home. It'll cost approx 5 dhs, excluding taxi charges to and from the train station for Dubai residents. Holy cow.

If a simple study was undertaken prior to designing the Metro, it would have been very clear why Dubais roads are clogged 24/7:

1. Economics: Buses are still costly. Taxis are twice as costly as those found in the capital. Result - a ritual in progress from many years. Get residence visa - get drivers licence - buy car.

2. Anachronistic work schedules: Many companies still have the 1-4pm break. And there are people who still want to go home to have lunch and take a nap. Where else in the world do we have such timings?

3. No car pooling: A heavy penalty levied should you feel 'human'. That is, help out your friends by dropping them. Expect a local CID to materialise at the wrong place at the rong time on the wrong day, in accordance with Murphy's law.

Being Freaking Cyrus

2006-04-18T11:22:00.000+04:00

After watching DJ and team radio-guide a country by assasinating the defence minister in Rang De Basanti, I thought this indie-looking film would provide some entertainment.

This is the story of a dysfuctional Parsi family. One fine morning, the protagonist Mr.Cyrus walks into their lives, quite literally. Cyrus (Saif Ali khan) is a young man in his twenties and has no worthwhile aim in life. Other than pottery and lusting at 50 year old women and their assets, that is. The narrative is given by Cyrus himself reminiscent of The Wonder Years. Other cast include Naseerudin Shah, Dimple Kapadia and Boman Irani. So far so good.

Cyrus is back it seems, to exact revenge. Or maybe something which he feels like revenge in his twisted little head. However, with no tangible story, how can the characters pull everything together? Just like 80% of all hindi movies, half time through - the oft repeated and irritating question springs up in mind - Where the hell is this film headed to ? We see Dimple Kapadia trying to seduce a guy old enough to be her son. We see her adjusting her blouse so that he falls for her. Cyrus is portrayed as the special breed of freaks who'd get it on with anyone - age no bar. Kapadias cleavage is unintentionally shown in a sequence, and that too with the camera placed all to strategically. I absolutely hate it when actresses of her age are forced to do what their daughters are good at.

Naseerudin shah is totally wasted. He's mainly cast to look like a Parsi, not act like one. For an actor of his calibre, he shouldn't have demeaned himself. Kapadia hams throughout the movie. Every scene makes us wince, I think it's the language. Needlessly twisting and contorting her face, she's just not comfortable in English skin. Boman Irani stands out, he's one actor I always look forward to.

This is supposed to be a black comedy. Only that the dialogues are cliched, and every actor (save for Saif and Boman) are made to ham.

Yet another hyped movie, just because it's all in english. And thats where the problem is, we're yet to perfect the subtle nuances in the comic gestures which are best performed in hindi. Certain jokes remain best localised and this movie is chock full of it.

Sort of like Jay Leno nailing a punch line in Hindi. Frightening!!!

Mathematicians Rejoice!!!

2006-04-17T14:15:00.000+04:00

GN Exclusive!!
Bangkok, The city of Angles.

Tightening the noose

2006-04-17T10:57:00.000+04:00

5% housing fee.

20% raise in school fee.

10% raise in essential items.

All in all, April was fantastic in itself. 35% within 17 days. Say half of it affects us, after a 'correction factor' is thrown in. 17%, and there's nothing to offset even 1% of this.

Letters/opinions/recommendations from 80% of the 3.5 million strong expat community have not made any effect. The rest of the 20% of the affluent expat community have a particular strain of thought, the strain that they feel will bind them together as one. They have no questions. Questions arise only when that roof breaks during a mild shower. Then it's back to normal.

I forsee empty fridays, empty malls, empty airports within 24 months. Unless someone forsees that Dubai is becoming one giant hotel.

The lyrics of 'Hotel California' is good food for thought.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!

The Theory of Lost

2006-04-16T11:00:00.000+04:00

I'm a huge fan of Lost, the other day I came across a link, titled the 'ultimate
theory', which is in effect - the real story behind the island.

In a special episode, the cast told us that we must look into the background (literally) for certain unexplained events as the episodes progress, say like Walts ability to think beyond, win every game, Locke never having to use the wheelchair again, etc.

This guy must have access to JJ Abrams million dollar script.

Do not venture into this link, if you don't want to be startled, it's beyond the wildest theories ever thought of - but eerily, it really makes every chip fall into place. And those pesky numbers, aside from the fact that it's some kind of progression...it's

4 + 8 + 15 + 16 + 23 + 42 = 108 minutes, the time it takes for a particular satellite to orbit the earth.

The numbers are the only ones which haven't been theorised yet, especially the significance of the number 23.

Back to THE link, you've been WARNED!
The Ultimate Lost Theory>>
http://www.4815162342.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7712

The lonely world we live in

2006-04-15T13:55:00.000+04:00

This article shocked the living daylights out of me.

She was 40 years old, and not one of her brother or sisters even bothered to find out where she was when she went missing for 2 years. They could've contacted the Metropolitan Housing Trust to find out where she was. They never even filed a 'missing' report. It seems she had bought Christmas presents for someone near to her, someone who'd known where she lived. But to discard a person in this manner, is even worse than jailing an innocent person.

40 years and living in solitude. Despite the advances in technology - mainly the ubiquitous cell phone, GPS, motion sensors, webcams, and may more obscure techologies in the offing, the fact remains that humans are the worst threat to humans. Forget globalisation, forget communism, forget Bush Jr.'s war(s), we have become adept at ignoring and hating people to such an extent that was never possible. Will we ever have kids who will remain kids? Kids who don't ask adults whether that guy is gay for wearing a pink tie? People who value life from an emotional standpoint rather than a purely physical one? Or has it boiled down to a matter of economics, which thwarts compassion in the face, as compassion cannot be valued? Does everything have to be valued in order to be appreciated?

Or is it because we have become smarter, we cannot indulge in the simple pleasures of life? We drive ourselves to exclusive resorts and exclusive tickets and exclusive showpieces, because we have to live THE life, kingsize maybe? Because credit cards make it easier to pile debt upon debt so that we can afford something we couldn't afford in the first place? Ironic as it may seem, we don't give a damn about anyone, yet subconsciously wish everyone thought the opposite about us?

We have lost our morals, we have lost our bearings. We're trying to keep up with a world thats turning faster than we do, Einsteins theory of relativity notwithstanding.
As Linkin Park's "Points of Authority" goes...
"You can't win the race! The pace is too fast! You just won't last!"
Yes, you'll never last. And even if you do, taking all the time in the world.... surprise, surprise, deaths right behind you.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrel(s)

2006-04-12T12:37:00.000+04:00

I personally feel that the verdict handed to Salman is very harsh. This is because it is his first crime. He does not have a track record and he is not a hard core criminal.

Source:here

VS.

Apart from the hit-and-run case, there are four cases registered against him in Jodhpur by the police and forest department.
In the first case he was convicted for killing an antelope on September 28 ,1998.
In the second case, Khan allegedly killed two antelopes, called black bucks, on September 29 for which he was given one year's imprisonment and fined Rs5,000 (Dh417) on February 17 this year.
The third case involves poaching of black bucks on October 1, 1998. The co-accused, also Bollywood stars, Sonali Bendre, Saif Ali Khan, Neelam and Tabu who were part of his hunting group.
The fourth case is under the Arms Act for a gun without licence.

Source:here

No wonder you're a dubai based lawyer.

How appropriate, GN shoved you up the ass, just a few pages apart. Now I'm wondering whether that was unintentional or deliberate. I'm siding with the latter.

A March to Remember

2006-04-12T10:22:00.000+04:00

I'm not into the habit of watching documentaries, and if I do, I'm mostly hooked to the ones on safety/disaster/technology. I'd given up on animal documentaries quite a while back. I vividly remember watching the mircat and his unending search for something to survive on. His stomach's been empty for a week, time's running out. His eyes sweeps the desert, his stomach rumbling. And then they show him poking his head up, which means he's found something. My heart leaps with joy, finally he's not going to die on this documentary.

And then they show why his heart leapt with joy too, it was a female mircat. Instinct takes over and my sympathy churns into disgust in no time. To add insult to injury, the copulation is shown in detail. Never again I said, never will I venture into documentaries of the animal kingdom. Well, I'm puzzled at my own narrow mindedness at times.

Until I downloaded March of the Penguins.

It's an account of the perilous life of the Emperor Penguin. Larome and Jarome, are the two brothers who film the ritual which the penguins have undertaken since time immemorial. The ritual is the essence of the documentary, it's their fight against nature for their own future. We come to know that both father and mother almost end up killing themselves for the sake of their offspring. It begins in september, when it's summer, when they magically march around seventy miles inland for breeding. The march is spectacular in itself, all of them march in one line, kind of like a school parade. It takes a good two months until an egg is laid, and then it's time for nature to play the devil. It's also when the couple separate, the mother takes a trip back to the sea for feeding herself. The sun sets permanently for the harsh winter to set in. Icy cold winds in excess of 150 mph threatens the very survival of the egg, placed in between the fathers feet.

It goes on for four months. Meanwhile, the male penguin loses fifty percent of his weight. By this time many males as well as their eggs have succumbed to darwins theory. Finally the eggs hatch, the newborn are hungry and await their mothers who should return with a belly full of food. The harsh winter have also taken the lives of their mothers and the chicks prepare for yet another fight for survival. Eventually their mothers come and it's the turn of their fathers to fill their empty stomachs. Many perish on the trip back, it's been over 5 months with no food.

And then we come to the conclusion of this amazing documentary, they return for a final get together - a picture perfect mother, father and child, seldom seen anywhere in the animal kingdom. Almost immediately, it's time for them to part, they've fought the worst. The 'kids' look on into the horizon, as their apathetic parents leave them with a newfound sense of freedom. And so they get ready for the great march.

Their march for survival.

This ritual is one that has no chance of getting back on track, should there be a single problem. It's akin to an engine, a single mistake brings the machine to a halt. No wonder this documentary won an Oscar. The photography is absolutely breathtaking, never has the south pole looked so beautiful with a thousand penguins in the backdrop. The haunting background score, the brilliant narrative by Morgan Freeman... makes this one unforgettable documentary.

Unconditional love and sacrifice, it still exists in places you'd never believe it would.

A picture speaks a thousand words

2006-04-11T12:45:00.000+04:00

One look at this picture and it tells you that the people described in the article are blatant liars. As seen clearly, there are 5 rows of mini bumps(each consisting of another 5 bumps) before the major speed hump. This seems to have made our junior Alonzos to curse and scream as they hit the brakes. What do you think those mini bumps are made for, you morons? And now you need a sign post?

Thank you GN for yet another news report filler.

Live Within Means? WTF?

2006-04-03T14:18:00.000+04:00

A letter in GN goes...

Live within means
Something is off in the article "Spiralling rents force couples to live apart" (Gulf News, April 1). The Filipino couple couldn't afford to rent a flat on their own, but their combined salary is sufficient to share a flat with another family. An income of Dh5,300 per month and they could not pay Dh1,200-Dh2,000 as rent? Where is the rest of the money spent? Supposed financial hardships are often self-imposed.
Many Asian expatriates have massive local debts used to buy land, homes and businesses back home. Couples with lower wages find a way to stay together and live within their means.
From A Reader
Dubai
Name withheld by request

Yet another anonymous bum who doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Point #1. Just because you don't have a massive debt and are prudent enough not to have one, doesn't mean the rest of the expats are.
Point #2. When a majority of expats are finding it hard to find affordable accomodation, you are talking of 'living within means'? Isn't the problem 'Impossible to even live within means'?

In a nutshell, all of you anonymous gutless mice ---
|| Whenever you read an article, please bear in mind that a newspaper report is a generalized account of the subject matter.||

Prices of almost everything in the UAE is on the rise and we have people writing in such letters. A cup of tea and a can of cola are the only things still available at the same prices.

Couples don't mean to come here and scrape on wafer thin salaries. Yes, they have committments back home, just like any normal human being would have. They were people who came here when the times were good, which was a distant 36 months back. Now they've invested time into a job and all of a sudden they're being juiced of all they have. The natural and logical option would be to leave. Ahh...if all of us were as smart as that the world would've been such a better place. I wouldn't even be here in the first place, would I? And so would you. So what the hell are you doing here anyway? You've -

1. Come here for a better salary because you wouldn't be paid that much in your own country (I'm guessing that wouldn't be an Asian country, judging by the way you've penned "Many Asian expatriates").
2. Your relative ignorance of this situation implies that you are well to do.
3. You just can't understand why people cannot live within their means.

I wish you could. Because you do get paid well in your country. Yet you come here to live a luxurious tax free life, in that cozy tree trunk of an island of yours.

Poisson d'Avril aka April Fool's Day

2006-04-01T18:42:00.000+04:00

April Fools' Day: Origin and History

Also don't forget to check out The Top 100 April Fools Day Hoaxes of All Time

If anybody remembers, April fools struck india just a few days back...
'Devil Calls' Cause Exploding Phones
Status: Insane rumor
Panic has struck mobile phone users in India as word spreads of "devil calls" that cause your phone to explode: "People started turning off their handsets after a rumour swept Orissa state of phones exploding like bombs killing their owners when they answered the calls. The random "devil calls" supposedly started Sunday from phones with 11 to 14 digit numbers instead of the regular 10, said an official from India's state-owned Bharat Sanchar Nigam phone company."

Even insects have feelings

2006-03-29T14:21:00.000+04:00

I remember a story my mother recounted a few years back. She was on one of her regular chores - scrubbing clean anything which was already clean. Ofcourse the definition of 'clean' is something that she will never disclose to anyone. So on one of her lively scrub-apades, she came across a wasp hive. It's one of those nuisances we take for granted - they're positioned at obscure places and before you know it - they're bigger than ever. Scraping the wall off was a tussle, even more messy were the hives contents. The mish-mash of yellowish slimy eggs and brick red colored hive gave it the appearance of a squashed rotten egg. Right after my mom accomplishes this immensely satisfying task, she religiously gets back to her cooking. A while later she notices the lone mother wasp hovering around the clean wall where the hive once 'stood'. And what shocked her later was that the wasp was following her. No, not a vengeful pace. But at a slow, calm and dejected one. You could almost feel for the wasp, when in contrast you've been force fed news by supergeek scientists that beyond humans and animals - the rest of the living kingdom are run by instinct alone. 'Survival of the fittest','instinctual bee hive rituals', etc. The wasp would fly low and stop right in front of her. It was as if it wanted my mother to end its life too, in the same manner as its offsprings. After being followed around to the living room, the dining room and beyond, my mom gave in. She couldn't stand it. It saddened her immensely, but she had to. The wasp had given up on it's life.

As I read this article in the paper, I resign myself to the fate that awaits me. I'm no labourer, but a newcomer(as regards work) to this cruel part of the middle east where many people have made it their home. I'm an underpaid employee, just as many employees across the UAE are. Prices of labour cards, licences, you name it - they've all been jacked up to such an extent that people have forced themselves to be fickle minded when recruiting newcomers. I can understand their dilemma, they're actually being penalised for helping out individuals who start out on a career. As a result, they lose out on an otherwise cost effective yet loyal employee who'd benefit the company for many years to come.

So now labourers have found out ways to make someone pay for their suicides. It's a gamble that will pay off a jackpot (in relative terms) to their family. And in most cases, even the family doesn't care about the condition of the remitter as long as the remittance is good.

Why is nothing being done about this state assisted suicide?

A country that refuses to endorse the dignity of labour will never grow. All the Palms and the worlds and whatnot cannot save you. America has finally reared it's ugly head for the UAE, the same way we were shocked to know when 'The Passion of the Christ' failed to secure an Oscar nomination, the same way Fahrenheit 9/11 wasn't generally accepted because the producer was a 'fat, ugly man' (as commented by many in the IMDB message boards).

P.S Excuse me for the sorry/poor comparison. It befits the wounded.

Paradise in vain

2006-03-27T13:21:00.000+04:00

I watched the critically acclaimed 'Paradise Now' yesterday. The movie is about the never ending fight between Palestine and Israel. At a crisp 90 minutes, the movie beautifully portrays the life of two protagonists, who're close friends. It's a unique story, with both sides of the conflict effectively dissected through one side. This is the first Arabic film I've ever watched, and needless to say, I'm very impressed. Just like 'Motorcycle Diaries', never do you ever feel detached from the story. You immediately feel as if you're well conversant in Arabic.

The most poignant scene is when they start filming a proclamation by the suicide bomber, hours before he sacrifices himself. It's a tense moment. As the human bomb trembles under the weight of the Kalashnikov on one hand and the statement on the other, beads of sweat appear on his forehead. He desperately wants to turn back and run home. But he has taken a step forward which he believes is the right step for his people. To return would signify that he has given up on them. Fulfilling this deed would guarantee martyrdom. He can already see people renting and buying cassettes of his speech and remembering him as a holy brother who succeeded in furthering their cause. And so he reads from the parchment, unsure whether this sacrifice would offer him the bitter sweet cocktail of retribution, salvation, revenge and martyrdom.

Halfway through the discourse, he catches his mentor enjoying a sandwich through the corner of his eye. His rational yet conflicting inner voice grips him by the throat, unable to reconcile on falsely believing what his mentors have told him. This catches his mentor by surprise, as he was also exposed for a fraction of a second.

The irony of it all was open, the sandwich which gave way to it still in his palms. Yet he prods him to go on.

He finishes his speech, and then he comes to know that the camera had a problem. It didn't record anything, for something which felt like eternity to him. His mentor then nonchalantly asks him to repeat all of it again. He is not interested in petty feelings of yet another martyr. After all, the guy's as good as dead.

The Sales Engineer

2006-03-26T09:42:00.000+04:00

Found only in the UAE.

Education: 12th grade pass. Probably a B.A for the heck of it.

Salary: Approx Dhs.2000+ with commission.

Requirements : Ability to bluff, excellent driving skills, a good command over English.

A sales engineer is in more demand than a regular engineer. The main reason is that he's a product of the new generation. Speaks well, looks good. Ask him something technical and he'll immediately call you back with some well rehearsed answers. Change the variables and you catch him red handed. So what's the word 'engineer' doing on his business card?

Because thats his USP. Because that's what will get peoples attention. 'Marketing agent' on the same card would sound like the 'traveling salesman', which in todays world has turned into a very demeaning job, courtesy the idiot box. 'Engineer' protects him from the demeaning glances and derogatory comments, which must be encountered in order to grow as a person. Dubai and its glorious facade will only get you this far. Somewhere down the line you are bound to be at the mercy of some pot bellied 'entrepreneur' who'd blame you for every single loss incurred.

Who are these 'engineers' hurting?

Genuine engineers. Genuine marketing specialists. Genuine professionals. People with a conscience. People who don't live the life of a con job.

I almost forgot, this is a dog eat dog world. My bad.

Gulf (Sponsored) News

2006-03-23T09:44:00.000+04:00

Gulf News has reported about the Burj riot. 3.5 mil Dh worth of property has been damaged and this newspaper plays the entire issue down. The news is reported on page 4.
So whats the important news that hogs page 1?
UAE mulls allowing new Internet Service Providers.
Activist told to stop using villa.
Linesman's middle finger angers lawyer

Theres something even funnier in the first headline too. ISP. The abbreviation is well known and is often used. Ofcourse it could be expanded in the article. But that would mean putting another piece of crappy news to cover up the grand page 4 news.

I believe it might have been decided to be pushed to page 4 because of the double whammy in todays paper. It's a special "letters to the editor" day, in response to the article "Is Dubai still good value".
Other than a few irksome responses in support of enjoying the 'Dubai experience' (whatever the hell that means) from The Managers of Dubai (a random survey would show 7/10 people are some manager of some sort), the majority simply re-affirmed what we all knew. That everyone has an expiry date, the moment they set foot here. This however does not apply to western nationalities. I even know of the butcher who's a teacher here. White skin really does wonders, you know.

So what can we expect on Page 1 from tomorrow (it infact has started today)?

Dubai Metro will boost business by 5 billion USD.

Dubai first city in the ME to launch metro system.

People celebrate in anticipation of the Metro system.

Children bully parents to ditch their SUVs.

B-School bums

2006-03-21T15:05:00.000+04:00

Two fresh graduates from IIM, B'lore are peeved to no end. Their grossly overpaid salaries have gone public, which is a standard practice in every Indian daily. Why are they irritated at this?
Is it because
a) They'd be expected to hand out loans to everyone they rub shoulders with?
b) They expected to settle down in the Cayman islands after working for a decade, drowned in opulence?
c) Potential robbers lurk everywhere?

All answers apply. And they rightfully deserve it. Being blessed with an analytical brain and perseverance does not justify a $193,000 job. Being paid $16,000 every 31 days without the perfunctory 'experience' is like winning a lottery. But we shouldn't blame them. Barclay's feels absolutely OK with the salary they offer. Theres no problem in that.

But why crib when you get the cake and get to chomp it too? Any half brained dimwit knows that all grads get humongous salaries. It's only a matter of time before they are hunted down by their relatives. As soon as they get their offers, they leave, never to return except for the 3 day annual leave which they grant themselves.

In effect they're pissed at the fishing net thrown far and wide by the press for non-entities aka far off relatives to pull at their wrinkle free shirts.

Three cheers to you bums for amusing us all.